On Tuesday, June 24, 2014, my husband Tim and I celebrated our 4th year of marriage; we dated two-years prior to marriage. We married on his mother's 100th birthday, June 24, 2010. I am so blessed to have him in my life to walk side by side with me on the cancer journey. Who knew 4 years ago, this would be our life experience. God knew.
Our marriage anniversaries prior to cancer were filled with happy moments celebrated by eating out at fantasy restaurants, traveling, soulful dancing, expensive gifts, sexy outfits for me and expensive perfumes.
This year's anniversary was both special and sad; I was very happy to be a live to enjoy this day with him. We went to the movie and had lunch, we smiled, laughed and held hands walking back and forth from both places. To look at us that day, you would never imagined, as a result of my cancer diagnosis, we were experiencing many heavy weights, and the "sickness and health" portion of our vows was on the frontline of spiritual warfare.
This year was different in many good ways, we didn't have fancy material-money infused plans. However, this year it was filled with happy thoughts of life, spending quality time and being thankful for what we do have. It was filled with a personal choice to be thankful for what is now, happy thoughts of life, wellness, forgiveness, increased trust in God, spending quality time with each other and being thankful for what we do have in our marriage relationship.
As a result of the cancer experience, we went back to the gift basics 101. We gave each other a very special spiritual gift, a new beginnings, which included letting go of the past hurts, wrongly spoken words, selfish actions and a few others; we committed to begin our life together brand new on and as June 24. The scripture that we both read as a foundation was 1 Corinthians 12:4-7,8: (I am patient and kind. I am not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. I do not demand my own way. I am not irritable, and I keep no record of being wronged. I do not rejoice about injustice but rejoice whenever the truth wins out. I never give up, never lose faith, I am always hopeful, and endure through every circumstance. I never fail.)
Tim is an exceptionally kind man and has proven so many times to put my needs above his. He models himself to me as my Prince Charming, strong, kind, nurturing, tall, dark, handsome and gentle. And only with God help, I am able to receive all of his free gifts to me. And, let him be my hero, protector and provider. Bless him God!
Before cancer, I felt strong, and took pride in my super-woman strength. I felt I was an exceptional equal or above partner, contributing to our union, while wearing an imaginary badge of honor. As I enjoyed greatly being the caretake, giver of time, having great wisdom and knowledge about relationship matters. I love giving financially and material gift to him and my immediate family member. God is good, and life is filled with the unexpected.
When I told him about the Ovarian Cancer Diagnosis in February 2014 (which according to my doctor, it had been in my body since my approximately April 2013 ), we both hugged tightly and cried like babies. Never had I felt so much love from Tim in a hug, before that moment. It was precious moment, he said, "you can't go before me, I am suppose to go first."
My husband is 12 years older than me, I too thought, I was supposed to take care of him, health wise, but here we are; he's 63 taking care of his 52 year old "hot chick" wife. LOL.
God is good and life is often funny, however, TIm is the man for the job, hand selected by God, my man, in sickness and health, bad times and good times. God knew when we married, that he would use Tim to take care of me.
There are two parts in this scenario, a caretaker and the one that's need taking care of and that's me. As my mom, son, sister, family and friends, this is your season, to be taken care of. It's the challenge of my life, alone with cancer and its physical and mental side effects.
Although, I am very thankful, blessed and can clearly see/feel how God is moving greatly in ours life. My current Spiritual life reveals on average my very strong faith in God's power 97% of the time, and the remaining 3% of time, I have sad thoughts/moments about our current reality and earthly future regarding the cancer experiences. I'm sure that's what make me human. I am grateful that the sad thoughts don't last but a few moments to a few hours mostly, before I remember and chose to believe God's promises about life and future.
I have great a super cool and great immediate family and friends to keep me reminded and uplifted of the Power of God that I lives in God, and God lives in me!
Thanks to you all!