A Happy Farewell: The Spirits of Sadness and Grief & their cousins Rejection, Abandonment and Not-Good-Enough (Emotional Cancers)
An Emotional Fitness Healing
Date of Service: July 17, 2014
Location: My back yard
Before this morning, sincerely, I didn’t realize that The Spirits of Sadness and Grief was leasing a room in my home (heart), showing up whenever they chose. I wasn't aware of the extent of emotional damage and chaos they were creating in my life. And of course, as you might imagine the cancer health experience opens many thought-doors for sadness and grief to enter your heart. The illness itself, in my opinion allows/encourages thoughts of sadness, grief and their tag alone cousins to seek permanent residence. However, with thankful gratitude, my experience with cancer has led me to a higher awareness; which is, we have choices to identify, kill and bury these emotional cancers in our lives. Our thoughts and stinking thinking around these issues can be the catalyst for a real cancer and or death in our physical lives.
This funeral service was quite unique because only me, The Holy Spirit and a photo of my father attended. It wasn’t a human death, but it was an unhealthy addictive emotions death of sort. It was the release/eviction of The Spirits of Sadness, Grief and the tag alone cousins Rejection, Abandonment and Not-Good-Enough, that have show up on too many occasions within my life.
Yesterday, while attending a breathing and nutritional class at The Gonino Center for Wellness, the personal desire for a deeper healing/awareness of the impact of these Spirits where causing in my life began; thereby, ultimately making it possible for me to choose to release them, by way of today's funeral service.
While taking this breathing class, the instructor made a deep spiritually thought provoking comment about me, to me that help be captive all that evening. God spoke to my spirit, confirming her words this morning during my prayer time; which lead to the funeral and the letting go of my habitual ways and belief surrounding this subject matter of sadness, grief and their tag along cousins. I didn’t realize how far and how deep their presence had been living, hiding and then showing up within my thought life.
Thanks to God, I now know there are higher and higher levels that we have to routinely climb and reach to evolve healthily. We do this by giving our close daily attention too our emotional related behaviors, reactions and etc., so that we can seek The Holy Spirit for help for guidance and/or deliverance.
I have been a giver of gifts from a very early age. I remember when I was around 5 years old, my mom told me, “ you can’t buy friendship, she told me again around 10 years old. I wasn’t then or now trying to buy friendship or love; what I was trying to do, was make people happy and smile, as I loved the feeling of being in that person presence. In actuality, I was in the developmental stages of my addiction. The words that may have been helpful for me to hear, “you can’t make people appreciate/validate you by what you do or give them, you can't convince people that are good enough with your money, time or your efforts to help them, by giving them your money, time and attention to listening or helping find a solution to their issues with your talents.” If you’re asking yourself, huh?
THE ROOT CAUSE | HOW THIS BEGAN IN MY LIFE:
I have allowed the spirit of sadness and grief (Loss) to show up in my life, when people that I love or care deep for have problems, that I can’t help fix it for them or give them a new perspective about their problem, that encourages them to feel better about the situation. In addition, at an early age, when others were that I loved was sad, it mad me really sad too. As an uneducated child/teenage, I didn’t realize that adult problems were not about me. However, often I thought, if I could do more or be better, this would make them happy; when my efforts didn’t work, I would be sad, and feared their negative opinion of me not being good-enough and reject me and/or abandon/leave me. And as a result of these thoughts, I would leave or cut my emotions off to protect me heart (I thought). I thought I was protecting my heart, but I was slowly opening my heart door to let cancer find a comfortable place to live in it.
As toddler, my parents due to economics had to seek the help of other family members to help take care of me off and on up until the completion of the first grade of elementary school. As a child I misinterpreted their actions as rejection of me, which lead to the thoughts “I must not be good-enough, thereby feeling rejected and other negative related thoughts.” And these thoughts have been the catalyst for many experiences of sadness, grief, rejections, abandonment and not-good-enough feelings fueled experiences. My little girl thoughts were, if my parents could walk away from me, leave me with other people (grandparents household) then I can't be good enough; when they would leave me, I felt sadness, grief (loss), rejected and abandoned. Hum, when cancer showed up in my life, it's very interesting to me, although my life was surrounded with love of family and friends, I still felt the above mentioned spirits, but for different reasons.
Learn about "Negative Thought Forms" by going here:
Which lead to a beginning life infused with those very same thoughts in my life experiences and many relations with others and as well as myself. Sincerely, as a giver, most of my life, I will give approximately 90% of my personal (and credit cards) finances to others (after bills). Don’t get me wrong, I loved helping others but, when unmanaged (no advance prayer) this “giving” feeds in my addiction which is to: make others feel better about life, happy, secure, valued and try to fix their problem. The High for me: so that I could feel valued, desired, good enough, appreciated and ultimately become a person of importance to them.
And as with all unhealthy additions, they lead to a downward spiral or a bottom. And for me, that was sadness and grief, let down and the feelings of being unappreciated for the gifts (money, time, long personal hours to counsel others with their personal problems, hard administrative/systems work which lead to extremely long hours on the job and others personal projects for friends too). I believe aspects of this addition, specifically, as it relates to working on the job.
I have known at a very high level, before today that people are not capable of meeting the need to be appreciated and validated as important good-enough individual within me (us). I know that only God can satisfy that very important need within us. But, just like all addicts, the perceived joy that comes right before the obvious drink, drug, sex, gambling and the not obvious health problems, sadness, loneness, pity, anger, rage, grief, emotional pain, busy body in or outside the home and pretenses living other, can be very seductive. I thank God for receiving a higher level of healing today.
In conclusion, it’s really hard tying to be God in our lives and the lives of others - as it can literally cancer-kill us. Help me God to release all issues to you, and everyone else that is seeking you for help.
Wow, God is good and I feel a weight released today. My experience with cancer has been the catalyst for me slowing down so I may choose to hear clearly when The Hold Spirit Speaks.
Thanks you God!